Due to an overwhelming surge in interest in this blog, and by surge I mean 2 readers, I have decided once again to pen my thoughts on the show that is One Tree Hill. Season 8 is it? The last series. The only person we can thank for this is Christ himself.
I have a chronic failure in understanding how this show is still permitted to be broadcast. One Tree Hill was a teenage drama show, about relationships of teenagers during their high school years. Eight years down the line we are left with I believe 4 of the original cast, who are now practically middle aged, and so in love that it makes me want to bulimic vomit. What this Mark Shwarn chap fails to understand is that noone actually cares if Hayley and Nathan produce more irritating offspring, if Brooke is able to conceive or if Dan Scott has turned over a new leaf. This is not drama. This is just people walking round being moapsy to the Now Suicide 2012 Soundtrack.
Alas, episode 1. Here goes. Where to begin but telling the audience basically everything that is going to happen in the series. We have Dan Scott (legend) in a car with Chris Keller (musical knobcheese) looking awfully serious, Quinn being shouted at by Clay, Julian being assaulted, sexy model throwing things, or was that Brooke, my memory fails me. Most intriguingly we have Hayley in a morgue exclaiming in shock and distress on the revelation of a body by a giant man. Oooooooooooo exciting. Then we have Dan Scott setting fire to a house whilst Nathan reads a passage, perhaps a biblical passage about the Devil. Deep. GOD. Why does it have to be so deep. NOONE CARES. NOONE ACTUALLY CARES. The devil is here! Ooooooooo.
So the basis for the theme of the episode seemed to be that our beloved characters were all having their individual sleep difficulties. Julian and Brooke struggling with the baby(s) (did they make them themselves or adopt? I don't remember/care). That of course we forget is not actually a story to which entertainment value can be attached. Then we have Quinn and Clay. This made me laugh aloud. He was sleep walking so far that he got out of his bed at the beach, walked through tree hill, walked over the bridge, walked across the river court, then positioned himself in the foetal position on a playground roundabout. Creative writing One Tree Hill. Quinn of course added to her normal contribution of looking insanely hot, by doing some comedy scenes (echos of Seth Cohen "she makes Marissa look funny") involving eating popcorn whilst Clay slept, for once in his bed.
In other news, Dan moved in with Hayley. Fat Jamie was pleased to see him. Nathan and his new shaven head appear to be living in an airport. The fit model remains just pure filth. Filth in a sexy way. GOD. SHE IS FILTH. And totally wasted on that barman. Chase perhaps be his name, the pilot man. Nice Chase. Gay. So Gay though.
Chris Keller is one of my least favourite people in television history. I cannot stand arrogance in any form, whether it be real life or fictional and therefore his faces instantly repulses me. No doubt he will end up singing some shitty acoustic song, with his shitty hair and beard and ragging Alex like he almost did Hayley. Poor Chase will be left to go back to the airforce with his stupid insults like "Peacock Dork" and be gay.
Things that intrigue me from this episode mainly include nothing. I hope Hayley has a pyscho stalker, but no doubt it will be Lucas. Yes I know of his return already. My fists are clenched with excitement. My biggest fear is that Mouth and Millicent come back. Oh, and healthy Amy Winehouse. I hope they are burning in Nathan's poetic hell. Overall, I hope Dan Scott murders them all, steals their hearts and lives happily ever after.
Ta la x
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